


in youth I have known one

by politicalmamaduck



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dark Side Rey, F/M, Force Visions, Hibernation sickness, Jedi Academy AU, No Pregnancy, Rey Palpatine, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, Smuggler Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 10:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20928761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/politicalmamaduck/pseuds/politicalmamaduck
Summary: The world was somehow both blank and dark when Ben Solo awoke. It was cold. He had no idea where he was. All he could remember was a blow to the back of his head when he was doing business in a Coruscanti alley. He attempted to reach a hand to the back of his head to check the wound, but he found himself chained.





	in youth I have known one

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ceallaigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceallaigh/gifts).

> Written for my dear friend Ceallaigh/Bk2Jakku! Her prompt was "Ben Solo catches a wicked case of hibernation sickness. You fill in all the blanks." I hope you like the direction in which I took this!
> 
> Title taken from Edgar Allan Poe's [ "In Youth I Have Known One"](https://poets.org/poem/youth-i-have-known-one).

The Jedi turned smuggler dreamed.

He was floating, a sweet yet sickly smelling gas filling his nose. He expected the world to spin, his body rising upwards and being borne away through no fault or control of his own, but it remained steady, as if nothing had changed.

A young woman in a long black cloak, a hand on her hip above her lightsaber, flitted in and out of his dreams. He recognized her, but could not say who she truly was.

His mother and father reached out for him, but he could not grasp their hands. He tried and tried, but all he felt was air.

A beautiful young woman with warm brown eyes and dark curly hair wept, her anguish radiating across the galaxy.

_ She has eyes like my mother_, the smuggler thought, then he was borne away once more, to the stars’ icy twilight.

_ I will finish what you started, Grandfather_, a young woman vowed, and he knew it was the young woman in the black cloak. Her wrath would be fearsome to behold. She reminded him of someone. But who?

His uncle reached his mechanical hand out for help, for a droid, for salvation, amidst a world that was burning, among screaming and bleeding children.

A malevolent entity laughed, and it was something and nothing and everything and its claws, tentacles, fingers were in his brain and it hurt and it twisted his thoughts and the migraines and the nightmares and the lies and _ you have that mighty Skywalker blood, heir to Vader, son of darkness_…

“No,” he tried to speak, to yell, to chase the spectre out of his mind, but once again, he could not grasp it, could not reach it.

Everything faded away into nothingness.

The world was somehow both blank and dark when Ben Solo awoke. It was cold. He had no idea where he was. All he could remember was a blow to the back of his head when he was doing business in a Coruscanti alley. He attempted to reach a hand to the back of his head to check the wound, but he found himself chained.

“You have hibernation sickness,” the being nearby said. From the voice, it sounded like a human woman, though his ears felt like he’d been submerged in water and he couldn’t see a thing.

He could feel her in the Force, however. Her presence was far from soothing and did nothing to ameliorate his uncertainty about the situation.

Her energy was dark. Malevolent, even. Passionate.

He had a bad feeling he knew who the woman was, though he hadn’t felt her presence in years.

It had felt different, back then.

His hands were shaking. Breathing was difficult.

“If I have hibernation sickness, don’t you think the chains are a bit overkill?” he asked, straining against the bonds and trying to gauge his ability to move.

“No,” the woman flatly answered. “I know your ability to use the Force.”

“Who are you?” he asked, both dreading the answer and seeking validation for his instincts, honed through years of training with his Uncle Luke and at his smuggling father and uncles’ knees.

“You already know who I am, Ben Solo,” she taunted, and despite his blindness, he could see her smirking in his mind’s eye.

“A pleasure to meet you again, Rey. Or should I call you Kira Ren?” he managed to reply, drawing on the Force to project a strength and confidence he did not possess. He felt sick to his stomach, and he chose to blame that on the hibernation sickness, rather than the puissant warrior who had captured him in such a weakened state.

He pictured her scowling at his remark, and by the tone of her voice, he was not too far off the mark.

“It would be my pleasure if you actually had your wits about you. Maybe then we could make this interesting,” she hissed, and he could hear her beginning to pace back and forth, like a jaggalor stalking its prey.

“I’m sure whatever you’re getting paid for this will be quite the pleasure,” he found himself saying. Much like his father, his smart mouth had always been a weakness he tried to twist into a strength. “However,” he continued, “I’m sure my family could provide a far more handsome reward for my safe return.”

“Your family?” she scoffed. “They lied to you and abandoned you. They left you hanging here for over a year in Rotta the Hutt’s palace, just like your father before you. There’s no one in the galaxy left for your father to swindle. Your mother lost her power in the Senate all those years ago and has never recovered. You’ve made a fool of yourself playing at being a Jedi like your uncle and a smuggler like your father, squandering all the inheritances of your mighty bloodline. You could have been something special, Ben Solo. You could have been someone special, someone powerful. But instead a bounty hunter cashed in, caught your too-big bleeding heart leaving your guard down, and here you are, a cowering, sick, wreck with only yourself to blame.”

She wasn’t wrong. But Ben would not allow her to manipulate him, not allow her to see her words’ impact and how they met their target.

“That’s Snoke talking, not you. And you know I was always his first choice, his prime target. I wish it hadn’t ended the way it did, Rey. I’m truly sorry for you, for what happened to you. My uncle and I both blame ourselves. But we had each other to help resist him. You had no one. You were no one, with no family, and we should have protected you better.”

“I never needed your protection,” she seethed. “And I was never no one.”

“No, you’re right,” he answered, looking down to where he thought his feet might be, even though he could not see them. “You were never no one. Not to me.” His voice was quiet, betraying more emotion than he had wanted. 

“There it is again. You and your foolish heart. You cared for me. You used me. You betrayed us all the night you found out the truth about your family. You were weak. Your anger ignited a spark in the galaxy. You’ve been running away from the truth for seven years, Benjamin Bail Organa Solo. It’s time you face your destiny.”

He looked down, trying to imagine what the floor looked like. He didn’t want to imagine what Rey looked like. Not like this, or at least that’s what he tried to tell himself. She had always been beautiful, had shone brightly in the Force, just as her name indicated.

He tried to raise his head to look back up at where he perceived her to be.

The last time he had seen her, she was thirteen years old, her hair bound in three buns at the back of her head. She loved all the greenery and the animals at his uncle’s temple.

He couldn’t imagine her killing anyone. Yet he knew how Snoke preyed on beings, how he twisted their minds and hearts and turned them into half of those they were before.

Their roles could have been reversed so easily. They both knew it as well as they had once known each other.

Ben and Rey were always more than sparring partners.

Rey never teased Ben about his big ears or his lack of control. Ben never teased Rey about her hairstyle or her lack of parents or family.

They could only meditate when the other was near. They built droids and speeders together. They longed to fly and explore the galaxy together, as Master and Padawan, their bond unbreakable, just like the Jedi of old.

Until Ben broke under the weight of his family’s legacy, under the crushing expectations, the transparisteel castle made of lies they built in their minds collapsing around them.

Ben once thought the truth about his heritage was the transparisteel spear through his heart, but it was when he could no longer feel Rey in the Force, no longer make out the brightness of her presence in his mind and heart.

It felt like a hole in his chest through which he struggled to breathe. It felt like his ‘saber arm was gone, his back exposed, his body naked.

And now here she was standing before him, and he felt like he was drowning in a dark sea cascading around him, around them, from her, _ the Dark Side seduces you, she’s a grown woman now, didn’t you always want her? You dreamed of what the two of you would, could become. Together. Ruling the galaxy side by side as you were always meant to do… _

_ Powerful light, powerful darkness.  
_

_ Darkness rises, and light to meet it_.

Ben Solo awoke again, bound on a ship. He still couldn’t see, but he knew he was on a ship by the gentle hum, the familiar sound for which he had yearned all his life.

She was piloting alone, he could tell. He knew that a med droid had tended to him, for his head was not pounding as much as it once was, but he knew Rey would not trust or want a co-pilot.

Not with her gifts. Not with him bound in the back. 

There were too many memories, too many hurts, too many losses.

He tried not to think of her Knights, their fellow apprentices gone to the dark. He tried not to think of his family. He tried not to think of anything at all, and only succeeded in making himself feel like he was going to vomit.

He could feel her approaching, and he was uncertain if he longed for or dreaded her presence.

“It is time,” she said, and Ben Solo chose to accept his fate.

**Author's Note:**

> I may choose to return to this AU someday. Always in motion is the future.
> 
> As always, a thank you to my beta boo Desiree!  
Please do leave comments with your thoughts and come find me on Tumblr and Twitter!


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